teeny guide

Peer Pressure

2009-06-20T07:30:00.000-07:00

On the last day of writing final papers of my teenagers high school exams, temptations came calling! She went partying with friends!!

Peer Pressure on a teenager can be either positive or negative.

The positive pressure should be encouraged while the negative pressure must be discouraged and totally prevented.

The positive pressure occurs when your teenager is attracted to the right set of crowd. This means, the teenagers group of friends are those that have focus and are right thinking.
How do you get these set of youngsters? Chemistry say's 'like mind attract'. Encourage your teenager to attend church or religious group meetings that encourage focus and ensures that he/she is always with a positively minded group.

Do not discourage his/her friends from visiting!
Knowing the type of friends your teenager associates with helps you to understand the kind of pressure he/she may be subjected to.

This last term of high school has been the most challenging. The sense of belonging that can be obtained from joining friends to participate in such things as Sexual escapades, Illegal Partying, Drugs and Alcholol imbibing, Carrying Firearms and Knives, Wearing Fashionable (sometimes exposing and hip styled) Dresses. The list of bad habits can be endless!

I have been forced as a result of these various types of pressures to discuss issues I would ordinarily consider 'not for teenage ears!' This ensures that I can pass a positive opinion and in a conducive atmosphere ensure that the opinion is well received and will help my teenager to withstand unnecessary pressure.

Metting out punishment can sometimes help to bring your teenager back to track, but most of the time puts their back up!! My teenager tells me 'you should be able to know what I can do! how long will it take you to understand me? As if I don't!! She believes I must take sides with her even when I know she's only partially right and never criticize. Hmm.

Most of the time I shout right back, that, with experience, she will get to know that parents are most likely always right!
Realistically, when I calm down, I relate experiences of other's who have fallen victim of similar circumstances and their results (sometimes unpleasant or fatal). This has helped to bring my teenager back to line. I especially use examples that are close to home.

Punishments like stopping allowances and grounding the teenager may help in specific cases but should not be overused as this can create other problems. It can cause boredom and encourage your teenage to pilfer or device alternative ways of funding!! For teenage girls, getting alternative funding can lead to a host of other problems; dating older men, prostitution, stealing.

Alternative help can be obtained from influential people around the teenager. In this instance, they could be favorite uncles and aunties whose opinion have always been important to your teenager. They could even be parents of their friends with whom you have been associating and have similar parenting values and opinions.

Let me know how you've been handling peer pressure in your teenager's life!! We must stick together and make the world a better place through our wonderful teens!!

Choosing a College. Home or Abroad?

2009-04-26T04:59:00.001-07:00

What choices do you have when sending your child to college? Should he/she stay within reach or should your teenager go to school abroad?

In my discussion with my teenager, I discovered that she wants to stay within the country in order to be close to her friends. I have therefore to consider the environment of the new college I will choose for her. Will it be easy to make new friends in the college? Will it be costly to keep in touch with old friends if I make her study abroad? I have to make her realise that life must go on; if you want to make something of yourself in life, staying close to old friends can be a drag!

The choice of university or college depends on the course of study which interests your teenager. I have had a great time discovering what choices are available in various countries. I tried to focus my search on the cheap or free courses in order to reduce cost. I discovered that in some countries where free university is available, the language of the state is the language with which courses are taught; this means that your teenager will also have to learn a new language in order to blend in such an environment.

For instance in University of Brussels; Dutch and French are the languages mostly used. You are only taught in other languages when the choice of course is based on those languages e.g English.
Your choice of University should first be based on your the course. If you would like to study Languages for instance; choose any university that offers English as a course. You can be sure you will feel at home.

If your course is Accounting however, you cannot choose Boston University for instance without a knowledge of Dutch or French. You would likely not feel at home.

In choosing a career or college for your teenager, ensure that he/she is involved in taking the decisions. Especially if you have to send your teenager abroad, he may have to contribute by working part-time or at least living economically. It is important to ensure that your teenager understands these issues and be ready to make necessary sacrifices. We can only guide, we cannot live their lives for them!!

In carrying out my research I discovered a lot of information which I have compiled. For information on these or on a particular course or college that interests your teenager; you can send an email to:adcatinvestment@gmail.com or visit www.sendyourchildtocollegefree.com for useful information on guiding your teenager in a choice of college.

You have to remember that in making a choice for your teenager his input is very important; that is if you choose a course or college that is not in his field of interest, this may result in conflict and eventually; failure.

Goodluck in your search!!

Adeyemi Catherine's Profile

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teenage pregnancy

2008-08-25T12:48:00.000-07:00

Teenage pregnancy

I read in an article that a group of teenagers made a pact to get pregrant and train the children together! Oh God!

Imagine such a bizarre agreement. What do these babies know about making babies?

What do they know about staying up late to breastfeed and taking care of an infant (normal infant) What do they know that can go wrong when an infant is sick? What financial care do they know is involved in taking care of babies. The question goes on and on..

How do you handle a pregnant teenage daughter?

Before the pregrancy

A parent owes a duty to educate a teenager especially girls of the how and wherefore’s of getting pregnant. In our sex education talks, we should not skirt around the topic. (my mum told me that I should not allow ‘boys’ to ‘touch’ me)! I have since discovered that touch is a mere tip of the iceberg.

In our discussions with teenage girls, we should be discreet. While respecting that they will make individual choices, we need to let our teenage girls know that sexual contact with the opposite sex can and will most likely (if contact is repeated) result in pregnancy. Educate them about preventive measures to take, if they decide to have sexual contacts with the opposite sex.

After the pregnancy

The deed is done. No need crying over spilt milk!

Once you discover that your teenager is pregnant. I advise the following steps:

Visit a health practitioner, preferably a gynaecologist.

Know the stage of the pregnancy. Educate the child and yourself on the latest precautions and steps to take to a successful pregnancy. Determine the state of health of the mother (your teenage daughter) and foetus.

Determine the paternity of the baby’s father.

Communicate with your pregnant teenager about her choices: keep the baby, give the baby over, marry the father, etc

Discuss with the father (if known) the role he wishes to play in the life of his baby

Give support psychologically to your teenager.

rebellion in teenagers

2008-07-19T14:18:00.000-07:00

Rebellion in Teenagers

Adolescence is a time when many young people test limits — and parents’ patience.
The scientists will say that hormonal changes are responsible for some of the rebellious attitude of teenagers. I do not disagree, but how do you handle this period (of rebellion) without shifting the posts of discipline and acceptable moral standard?.

My teenager has a savings account; opened by me and operated on her behalf. When she received her allowance I asked, what proportion of this pocket money would be available for savings (albeit against a rainy day). You will be surprised at the explosion that resulted from this innocent request!

Have you observed that rebellious behaviour varies according to the sex of the teenager?

Rebellious attitude of Boys:
Teenage boys would rather express anger and react violently in most cases to parental discipline or what they consider to be unwarranted high handedness. They often go for drinking/smoking binges or street rampages. Sometimes they gang up with friends to get into real trouble with the law!

Handling rebellion in boys requires a lot more than tough talking. You have to sit the young guy down to serious heart to heart (preferably by the parent who is softer or a person whom the teenager really respects his opinion, like a favorite uncle or teacher) doesn’t necessarily have to be the mother. He needs to know that for every action, there is a reaction. All sorts of behavior have their consequences. For instance, if a teenage boy should indulge in unprotected sexual activity; he needs to know that, he can become a father before he is ready! and worse, he could get infected! Sometimes a parent may need to turn a blind eye when a son has to be remanded in corrective custody by the law or really gets stoned from a party and is having a head breaking hangover!!

Rebellion in girls:
Girls are milder in their form of rebellion. Their greatest worry is physical beauty. Usually, they will dress up and your corrective attempts gets you labeled as outdated! Sometimes you have to fight over the right type of male friends to keep and invite home. A lot of times you fight over your style of doing things, including your method of cooking some types of food!
You can also be really disappointed when your teenager’s rebellion leads to her geting pregnant! Oh boy! Can you beat the hurt a parent can feel. Where did I go wrong? you will ask yourself.

Respect is a key word in dealing with this period of a teenagers life.
It is absolutely difficult for a parent using ‘hindsight’ not to envisage where a particular action may lead. The problem is how do you communicate your fears to your teenager?
If you’re dealing with a rebellious teen, it is possible to demonstrate love, reason and cooperation — and to rebuild mutual trust and respect by ensuring that your communication line is kept open. You must also learn to wait patiently for the consequences of their action. Learn not to interfere. It is also important to pray along with your teenager at this crucial period of their lives! There is a lot to gain and so much more to lose.
How did you handle your rebellious teenager? Share your views.

sexuality and puberty

2008-07-13T06:14:00.000-07:00

My teenager was making calls in the midnight with a 'stranger' who just happened to crash her mobile no. My first reaction was to seize the phone and call the stranger (boy) back, barring him from further calls!! Have you noticed that what is prohibited is more attractive and flavored than what is allowed?

Sexuality

Coming to terms with your teen's developing sexuality can be difficult, but they need your support and advice to help them grow and establish relationships in a mature and safe way.

Puberty

Puberty, however, is the point when the body begins to change from that of a child into an adult. It comprises lots of changes which take place over quite a long period, usually several years.

During this period your child's body develops the characteristics of a sexually mature adult. The sexual organs develop, there are changes in the hormone balance and in other features of the body relating to sexuality.

Boys and girls

Girls reach puberty approximately six months to a year earlier than boys.
But you must note that each individual child is different. Some children are what you can call late bloomers.

Each gender has to cope with different experiences. Girls have to come to terms with menstruation and growing breasts, while boys have to cope with wet dreams and emerging beards.

You must be ready to provide necessary information as well as the opportunity to talk about any anxieties they might have. Avoid joking about the changes they're going through, it may not be appreciated by your sensitive teen and you may end up blocking avenues of further discussions between the two of you.

Sexual relationships

It is controversial whether to take a liberal view on allowing your teen to associate freely with the opposite sex or to limit such freedom to prevent unnecessary and tempting contacts with them. This decision, I believe should depend on the background you have laid in the life of your teen. If the child is God fearing, such limits may not be necessary. Advocates of freedom of movement believe that this view shows your teen that you respect them as individuals and trust them to take the right decisions concerning their future.

There are many ways you can provide help and support in relation to sex.

* Make sure you know what sex education your teen is getting at school and from whom. The biology class on human anatomy will just tickle the imagination and encourage experimentation. However, it is more dangerous if your teen takes lessons from more sexually adventurous classmates!
* Provide your child with information and advice on the subjects not covered in these lessons
* Be open minded about issues of contraception. Offer to go with them to the doctor or sexual health clinic if necessary
* Make sure they know about STIs and how to stay safe
* Support them as they deal with the emotions of a first intimate relationship
* Try to accept your teenager will probably not have the same values as you when it comes to sex, but that such differences are an inevitable part of your child growing up into a healthy adult

For our sake I hope the recent figures I read which shows that 25 per cent of young women and 30 per cent of young men under the age of 16 have had sex are right. These figures are lower than many people imagine, and mean that three out of every four young women and two out of every three young men haven't had sex by the age of 16.

If more adolescents knew this, they'd probably feel less pressured into starting sexual relationships during the early teenage years.

common teenage problems

2008-07-06T06:57:00.000-07:00

Common teenage problems

The teenage years are fraught with all kinds of problems. A parent needs to understand the different pressures a teenager faces in order to help your child through all of them.

physical features

One of the biggest worries for adolescents is their appearance. Changing body shape, hair in unlikely places, spots breaking out - no wonder teenagers spend so much time looking in the mirror.

If your teen isn't happy with what they see - and few are - it can dent his/her self-esteem.

Try to avoid making jokes about your teen's appearance - even if it's meant in a light-hearted way. It's also a mistake to make light of something that worries a teenager, even though it may seem silly to you.

Try to explain that other people rarely notice the kind of detail we notice in ourselves.

Encouraging a teenager to feel good about themselves solves a great deal of the problem.

failure

Some teenagers take failure - in exams or relationships - in their stride and get over it relatively quickly, but for others it can seem like a major crisis. You need to help him deal with his emotions before you help him deal with failure effectively.

Reassure your teenager that your love and support is not contingent on exam grades. If your teen doesn't get the grades expected, help him to keep it in perspective - everyone has some setbacks in life. He can always do resits. Reassure him that you're behind him 100 per cent, and help him to review all the options.